Hogwart's Unspoken Rules
by Manic In Peace
Summary: I thought these rules would be obvious, but i was completely wrong.-Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall
1. Rule 98

**A\N: **Hey, Peoples who like to read! This story will PROBABLY be a Daily- or Twice-Daily- Upload thing, so expect a new chapter at around 9ish each night. Based on the 150 things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts, for the 150 things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts Challenge. Enjoy, people.

**DISCLAIMERR!!: **I don't own 150 things or Harry Potter. Duh.

Rule Number Ninety-Eight: OMGWTF is not a spell.

Back-story:

Professor McGonagall patrolled the aisles of her class, making perfectly sure that all her students were taking notes on Human Transfiguration. She slid fluidly up behind Lavender Brown, who was giggling and writing a note to Parvati Patil, not making a single sound.

"Miss Brown, last time I checked, Oh Em Gee, Double-ewe Tee Eff is _not_. _a. spell._"

Lavender went a particularly girly shade of pink and stuttered "Umm… Well…"

It was then that one Seamus Finnegan decided to butt in "It could be, Professor! There are all sorts of odd spells no one knows about." McGonagall opened her mouth to protest, but Hermione Granger cut her off.

"I'll go and look it up in the library!"

After the Granger girl left, all sense of order went with her. People were discussing heatedly whether OMGWTF was a spell, and others were just milling about, being generally social.

Professor McGonagall was fuming. She clenched her fists and took deep breaths, but nothing had quite the same calming effect as yelling.

This class would henceforth be known as The Class Where McGonagall Snapped. And indeed she did.


	2. Rule 59

A\N: Hehe. So I'm a little late. But it's only tomorrow by 10 minutes!! This is in the MWPP time period, jfyi. And from H.M. Dumby's POV. Coz I'm hot like that. Oh, and thanks to those who gave me (to quote a friend) "Mad Props" on my drabble, The Glass. It meant me equaling happy after a day that equaled suckish.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. But I am in love with James, if that makes up for anything…

-------------------

Rule Number 59: I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes Professor.

James Potter burst into the Dining Hall with great gusto after ten minutes of the Opening Feast starting. Before Minerva could stand up and exclaim "What are you doing, Potter?!" as per usual, He held up his hands to silence the crowd of children, that had, until then, been chattering away happily, and was, surprisingly, successful.

"Don't worry, students." He bellowed comfortingly "Your Defense Against the Boring Classes Professor is here."

He slowly put down his hands and the hall stood in a minute of confused silence, before simultaneously breaking into wild, raucous cheers, much like a village greeting their new-home war hero, and rushed up to him in a cloud of back-pats and high-fives. James, in the middle of it all, was smiling wide and blushing tremendously as one Lily Evans reached out and gave him a mock-serious handshake and said, so I am told, "It's a good job we have you back, Professor, classes start tomorrow."

When the hubbub died down, there was Minerva, standing and staring incredulously at the sixth-year. After a while she just shook her head and resumed her seat. She still had that incredulous look on her face.

The exact one she gave me a year later, when I named James the head boy.


	3. Rule 90

A\N: Yes. I went back on my promise of posting daily. BUT I HAVE AN EXCUSE!! Yesterday- Sunday- I was at a Diocese of Arlington Youth Rally (YR09, hecks, yes MegaMoo050895!!) from 8 am to 9pm. I tried posting this when I got home, but my computer had a funny turn. I tried to fix it, but, as I've already made clear, computers don't love me the way you guys do (wink, wink) and it just went black. But today, my lover, the handsome, computer-fixer-man-named-Jared (who has a very mean sense of humor, beeteedubs!) fixed it! How lovely! So I'm gonna give you this story now! Now!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. That's impossible. Believe me, I've tried.

Rule 90: If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

Fred Weasley was in a staring contest with Professor McGonagall. She had caught him trying to perform a spell on Umbridge, and, as much as she hated the harpy, she had to question Fred.

As of yet, though, she had not gotten out of him what he was going to do. Occasionally, he would burst into a giggling fit that often lasted a minute or more, and afterwards would become quickly serious. After about ten minutes of this, he said "You should have a list of what spells you're not allowed to do."

She was taken aback by this. "I'm fairly sure I do!"

He sighed "yeah, but sometimes the 'restricted'" he added quotes to this with a grin "are necessary. How do we know when and when not to use them?"

She deliberated for a moment. It was hard to admit, but he brought up a good point. Finally, she declared "Fine. If the thought of doing a spell to someone causes you to laugh for more than…say, fifteen seconds, it's against the rules. Period"

As he stood up and walked out of her office she heard him say "I'll keep that in mind next time, Professor!"

The next day, the Weasley twins left for good, leaving only a swamp in their memory. Oh, and a note: 'This broke your fifteen seconds rule, Professor. Our apologies.'

It is to this day, Minerva McGonagall's greatest regret that she never asked Fred what he was going to do to Umbridge that made him laugh so hard.


	4. Rule 82

A\N: Meh. So it's short. Very short. But I could care less, because I'm being stalked by a candy-hearts freak. His\Her candy hearts _sparkle_. It's weird.

Okay, enough of that. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter. Or Ron. I could do with out Umbridge, though.

The fact that Umbridge asked an inane question like 'What does the Killing Curse do?' did not surprise anyone.

It was the fact that one Ronald Weasley chose to answer. Even Umbridge let her surprise show through.

"Erm…yes? Mr. Weasley?"

Ron, whose hand had shot in the air, stood up (as the new Defense teacher had made custom). I'm almost sure Hermione was crying with pride.

His answer started simply enough, with the hand-raising and standing and all, but ended in a way that made Umbridge's eye twitch. Ron shouted confidently 'It does DEATH!!'

This was the first in a line of pranks by the Weasley's, Hermione Granger and Harry Potter, aimed directly at the Professor.


	5. Rule 66

The bottle sat on Severus' desk menacingly. Should he pick it up? He knew how fond the Weasley's had grown of pranking. It could be a trap.

No, no, he was just being paranoid. The Weasley Twins wouldn't dare…

He lifted the bottle cautiously, slowly tilting it about so the liquid inside would slosh.

_Rather viscous… _he thought _and blue..._

He popped the cap, altogether a dangerous move, and sniffed it. It smelled…_ soapy._

It was then that he noticed a small scrap of paper lying in the exact spot the bottle had. It was written in thin, straight lines, obviously by a girl. It read:

_Here's to hoping this Selsun Blue helps.-HG_

He was outraged! A student dare insult him like this! Insult his hygiene! It was a personal attack! He'd have to notify Dumbledore…

No. This was simply paranoia. Whoever HG was, they couldn't really be out to get him, could they? No, instead of notifying Dumbledore, he'd just… take their advice.

------

Hermione showed up for potions the next day, expecting endless detentions, a trip to Azkaban, anything but what she was greeted with.

A semi-hygienic Snape.

His hair was clean(er). He looked up from the paper he was grading and smirked 'Hullo, Granger.'

His teeth were still crooked, yes, his nose still hooked, but somehow, she really hoped the Selsun Blue helped.


	6. Rule 103

A\N: Hullo, beautiful people! I know that last chappie was a piece of shite, but it's too much work to remove it (lazy, much?) so I won't. Forgive me, patrons; it was a last minute thing. I'll try to do better on this one, kaisies? Yayy! It's a chappie about Gryffindors! Can you tell what house I'm in? :)) *rawrs like a Gryffindor*

DISCLAIMER: Insert annual regret that I did not come up with the Harry Potter series first. Poop.

Rule 103: For your safety and ours, don't give the Gryffindors Pixie Sticks.

Back Story:

Colin Creevy's parcel slipped between his fingers as he tried to catch it at breakfast that morning. _It's early morning, _he rationalized. As the box hit the floor, the spellotape holding it together split and the contents spilled all over the floor. Sweets! His mum had sent him muggle sweets!

Ron Weasley's eyes widened on the thin paper tubes as Colin gathered them up off of the floor. 'What are those?'

Colin laughed 'They're called Pixie Sticks. Little tubes of sugar. Good fun'

Ron grinned evilly 'Could I have one? Please?' Another girl who was listening in on the conversation squealed 'Oh, me too!' 'Oh, man, those are cool, could I have one too?' Soon all of Gryffindor had a Pixie stick. Even Dumbledore. McGonagall had refused with a glare.

-----

That afternoon, Minerva McGonagall sat impatiently in front of a class of irritated Slytherins and unusually chatty Gryffindors. For the millionth time that semester, her face was flushed with anger and her hands clenched into fists. The Gryffindors had calmed down slightly from breakfast, but were still milling around the room in a cocktail-hour style. The Headmaster had waved off her complaints with an offer of a lemon sherbet or one of Colin Creevy's seemingly millions of Pixie Sticks.

She really _would_ have to write to that boy's mother… 


	7. Rule 134

"Come on, Nigel, it's no biggie. It's just a game" George comforted the trembling blonde first year. Nigel looked up into George's eyes worriedly. When the teenager nodded gaily, he steeled himself, as if for battle, and muttered something

"Pns!!"

Fred rolled his eyes "Go on, Nige, say it louder. Be a Gryffindor!" This instandly awakened Nigel's pride and he set himself again. This time, facing the Teacher's table, he said "Penis" with a purpose.

The rest of the first years giggled. One muggle-born recognized the game, and said, a little louder "Penis!"

This provoked a chorus of "Penis!"'s, louder and louder by each one.

Soon, it was just George, Fred, Ron, Harry, Seamus, Lee, and a group of older Gryffindors in the running

"PENIS!" Fred shouted, loudest of all.

Suddenly a holler came from across the hall that startled everyone.

Draco Malfoy was standing up at the Slytherin table, white hair askew and cheeks unusually ruddy. The Gryffindors looked at each other. None of them could top it. Draco Malfoy had won the Penis Game. The world was officially ending.

Umbridge, at the far end of the teacher's table, was white-faced and her mouth was flapping about like a fish. Dumbledore, to no-one's surprise, was laughing heartiest of all, clapping amusedly.

When everyone had settled down, Ron muttered the thing on everyone's mind "Who knew it, Malfoy has a pair…"

"Must have borrowed them from Millicent Bullstrode" mumbled Lee.

My thoughts exactly, Lee.

---

A\N: Mleh.. I wanted to update coz no-one REVIEWS anything else. Please, I'm desperate! And I am now working on a Kurt\Finn and a James\Lily fic, so I probably won't update this until after that…. But, if those interest you, read the. And maybe review!! PLEASE!


	8. Rule 20

**20. I will not charm Firenze pink and call him "My Little Pony."**

Professor McGonagall was once again sitting across from students, glaring. This time though, it was Seamus Finnegan and Dean Thomas.

"Could I PLEASE have an explanation?" the professor asked the two teenagers, who were giggling into their palms. Presumably, they were laughing at the very pink (and very angry) Cenautar standing behind her.

"I'll give you an explanation!" griped Firenze "These two nincompoops charmed me PINK! And now they refuse to call me Professor! They…they… they call me..."

He seemed at a loss for words, so professor McGonagall urged "Out with it, what do they call you?"

She just barely made 'My Little Pony' out of the mass of mumbles, and could hardly contain a fit of laughter.

"Yes, well…quite… I will deal with them, Professor" she stuttered between giggles (hidden as coughs) leading him out the door.

As soon as the door closed, she turned around with a big smile on her face "I've been waiting for someone to do that since Albus hired him! You boys are free to go."

---

Leaving McGonagall's office, Seamus and Dean looked down at their palms, confused.

"I'm pretty sure that's the most afraid I've been in my life, Dean" Seamus muttered "I mean, she smiled!"

"It's weird for all of us, man" Dean shuddered "Very VERY weird…"

A\N: WOAH O.O.C MCGONEGALL!!! SO... I know this isn't an actual Rule; it was very generously given-donate-offered-bestowed-upon-me by ****... Dankashein, dah-link! I'm also sorry if my grammar and text and spelling and Thesaurus-y-ness is out of combobulation, my computer is having a funny turn… Ain't that just a trip? Anywho/hoo (Wisha!!) Reviewin' it, POR FAVOR? IT WOULD MAKE MY IFEE! *Is desperate*

Th-th-th- that's all folks! *goes off to once again watch Mr. Shue be rape-y and weird on this weeks episode of gl-GLEE! *Squee's*


	9. Rule 173

**A\N: **Whoooaaahhh! It's the longest Hogwarts Unspoken Rule evahhh!!! To atone for my long absence, no less. Sooo... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'M SORRY!! I_ have _been on and I _have _been posting, I just _haven't _had any good ideas. So... rather have a good, late story than a crappy, frequent one?

Anywho, in this one, Remmy gets a little irritable and WHAT? Gets into 'trouble', Marauders Style.

**This is the disclaimer: Consider yourself disclaimed.**

**Rule Number 173: **Team rivalry is okay. Flicking Eggs Benedict at Hufflepuffs _is not._

**Backstory:**

Remus Lupin had to be the most exhausted person in the history of history.

Seriously. James and Sirius just HAD to stay up all night, discussing the Hufflepuff-Gryffindor match set today.

In all honesty, they were still discoursing as loudly as they could, right across from him.

Remus huffed. They did not hear him. In an alternate tactic, he decided to ignore them and go over the player's names in his head. After all, it wouldn't do to have the commentator not know the names of the players, would it?

_Diggory, Brown, Smith, Abbot, Rivers-_

"Their Chasers are crappy fliers, Sirius, you won't have any trouble aiming for them. Smith's got a wonky leg, though, so don't aim for that, Hooch'll give you a penalty in a minute..."

C_oncentrate. Rivers, Colfer, Costello, Harmon-_

"Their keeper's a piece of shite also, Prongs, so good on ya. Today's gonna be a good game."

This whole aggravating situation wasn't even Prongs and Padfoot's fault. It was the Hufflepuff's

Remus turned around to glare at Amos Diggory, the Hufflepuff captain and "piece-of-shite" Keeper, who was conversing obnoxiously (or so it seemed at the time) with his seeker, Ryan Colfer, and one of his "crappy-flier" Chasers, Annie Harmon. Remus took a bit of his Eggs Benedict on his spoon when he was sure no-one was looking, and flicked it at the back of Amos' huge, pompous, pouf of a head. He turned before Amos could see him, so he was unable to see the prat's face of righteous indignance, but he could almost hear it in the snort as Diggory wiped the baked egg , toast, and Hollandaise sauce off of his shiny, stupid hair.

Remus was sure no-one had seen him until he left the dining hall, when none other than Albus Dumbledore stopped him.

"If you would be so kind as to let me go Professor" Remus said, as kindly as he could while trying to pry the Headmaster's thin, skeleton-esque fingers off of his biceps. "My friends have left, and I'm sure they're worried..."

Dumbledore had since let go of his arm, but before he could bolt, the old man smiled jovially and said "I do understand the need to flip Eggs Benedict onto the heads of Hufflepuffs, but I do hope you would refrain from doing so during your commentary, and you will most likely _stay _in the good graces of your teachers" and before Remus could deny it, or do anything else, Dumbledore walked away, whistling.

What a strange man.


End file.
